Only a few more days until the world will finally be able to see Avengers: Endgame! It's crazy to think about what a huge deal that is. This is the SuperBowl of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The previous twenty-one movies that have been coming out since 2008 have all been leading up to this three-hour smasher of records that's basically guaranteed to make its audience cry.
Unfortunately, the magnitude of this event means that there are lots of people with walnuts for brains who want to ruin the experience for as many people as possible. It's already getting dangerous to be on social media because of these warthog-faced buffoons who somehow get enjoyment from posting spoilers wherever they can. Some Wi-Fi psychopath out there already leaked a few spoiler-packed minutes of footage online. The internet has become a minefield with the potential for spoilers to be lurking anywhere you go.
I'll never understand how anyone could think it's fun to knowingly cause emotional pain to someone else, especially because posting a spoiler comment online means you don't even see how people react to it unless they respond to you. If you walked into a mall thirty years ago and shouted "Darth Vader is Luke's father!!" for all to hear, you would see the shocked, confused, and/or upset faces of the people around you who hadn't seen the movie yet, and I guess some people (with half a moldy meatball where their heart should be) would find that amusing. When parents "prank" (or mildly traumatize) their kids with those "Sorry, Timmy, I ate all of your Halloween candy!" confessions, they do it so that they can watch and record how the kid reacts. Just posting a spoiler somewhere online and imagining the mental anguish you've caused is like a malicious version of that glitter-and-stink-bomb-package-decoy prank but minus the video recordings that let you see the aftermath of the prank.
When The Force Awakens first came out, I remember seeing a spoiler about a certain character dying in the comment section of a social media post about video games. I don't particularly care about Star Wars so I wasn't personally devastated by that news, but I was still furious that some obtuse cabbage of a human would try to ruin the fun, anticipation, and excitement of complete strangers.
Some people think it's hilarious to post fake spoilers. That doesn't make any more sense to me than posting real ones, nor do I find it funny. There was a person I was once Facebook friends with who, right before the movie came out, claimed that Spider-Man died in Infinity War. I didn't know if he was making it up or if Tom Holland had goofed in another interview, but it didn't matter either way in my mind. It's not humorous to hurt someone's feelings, especially if you do it intentionally. (Saying something like, "Boy, I sure loved the way Dumbledore destroyed the One Ring by slicing it with his lightsaber!" also isn't funny. It's clearly not a real spoiler, but it's not clever, either. Just... don't.)
There's an episode of Friends in which Rachel agrees to read The Shining if Joey reads Little Women. Joey, being a loveable idiot, accidentally spoils some pretty major things about The Shining, and Rachel retaliates by spoiling things about Little Women. When she reveals that Beth dies, Joey is distraught. That's the kind of reaction I probably would've had if I'd been a Star Wars fan seeing that "[character name redacted] dies!" comment.
I fully understand wanting to talk about something exciting you've read, played, or watched. After we saw Infinity War, Jared and I stood in the theater's parking lot talking about the movie with some other people who had also just seen it because there was so much to process. We were lucky to be able to see it as soon as it came out and thus had the responsibility of keeping our mouths shut around anyone who hadn't been to the theater yet. Other people might've had to be at work or a class early the next day. Someone might've been unable to get a babysitter and had the decency to not bring a toddler to the theater on opening night. Plenty of people avoid going to see movies until the crowds die down a bit. Even now that Infinity War has been out for about a year, I'd still be uncomfortable posting something on Facebook about the specifics of any deaths that may or may not have occurred or the location of a certain orange gem. I've had many conversations about Infinity War, but only after confirming that the other person had seen the movie. There's probably some socially acceptable amount of time to wait before start discussing things; I just don't want to risk being the person that tells someone that the Dread Pirate Roberts is actually [redacted] if they've never seen The Princess Bride. I can only imagine how different my experience would've been if I went into the theater to see Infinity War already knowing about certain things that caused audible gasps from the audience. It was so awesome to be genuinely shocked by things instead of knowing they were coming because some mumpsimus decided to spread spoilers online.
For anyone who doesn't understand why people make such a big deal about spoilers, think about some form of entertainment you really, really love. Don't you think a sports fan would be mad if you knew the outcome of the game they were watching and said, "Oh, the Manatees win by twelve points and McShnooper gets a pretty bad leg injury when Hanseldoof knocks him over." What about if someone were reading the Harry Potter books for the first time and you told them that [redacted] kills [redacted] in book six? You wouldn't tell your friend who's just started playing Fallout 4 about what happens to the player's baby, would you? Only an absolute turd bucket would reveal the truth to someone trying to enjoy a murder mystery. If you and a friend were watching Pride and Prejudice together and they'd never seen or read it before, it would be super impolite to say, "That Wickham sure is a detestable nincompoop!" when he's first introduced to the plot. There's no good reason to give away information that would make someone's experience with something less enjoyable.
If someone is watching Old Yeller and you know that the ending will make them really sad, you could warn them that it doesn't have a happy ending and allow them to choose whether or not to proceed. That, I think, is acceptable. Some people would want to stop watching so they wouldn't have to have that sadness in their head. (I remember my mom skimming ahead before properly reading The Hunger Games series because she doesn't like sad stories. I found her flipping through the third book and she asked me who Peeta was. My response was to hide books two and three until she actually read the first one.)
Intentionally ruining someone's experience with anything is a real ninnyhammer move. Doing it with something as highly anticipated as Endgame makes you a sordid weasel spleen. If you see a spoiler, don't be an abhorrent plague sore by spreading it around. If you see Endgame before someone else and proceed to tell them about the movie, you are a poisonous, bunch-backed toad.
Another thing to consider here is that the amazing people who worked on Endgame want us to know very little about the movie. There hasn't been much revealed in the clips and trailers they've released and the directors have confirmed that they used some fake footage for the promotional videos. There are so many people who have been involved with working on this movie for the past several years and all of their effort is finally going to be shared with the world. Spoiling Endgame is like telling someone about their upcoming surprise birthday party that a big group of their friends have been putting together since three birthdays ago. Sure, the party will probably still be fun, but the surprise was a huge part of the experience and destroying that element is unbelievably contumelious. Don't do that to the Russo brothers.
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| #DontSpoilTheEndgame, you turkeys. |
Love,
Lizzie
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