It's Not About Vanity

Hi, friends!

Recently, I was thinking about how the word "vanity" can refer to either being prideful or a cute desk that's used for doing your makeup and/or hair. I've never been a big fan of the desk definition of the word.

Gilderoy Lockhart, basically the personification of vanity.

A small desk that, since it's marketed as a vanity, costs more than a regular desk while essentially serving the same purpose. Often accompanied by a stool or bench with no back support.

I started thinking about how some people do see things like makeup and hair styling as being vain. Even taking care of your skin is sometimes considered to be putting "too much effort" into your appearance, especially for men. (I'm not sure how anyone got the idea that being masculine means you can't put stuff on your face; sunscreen isn't even frilly or feminine, it's sensible!) It sometimes seems like society wants us all to be presentable and look polished, but wants us to look that way without spending any money or time to get there. Admitting that you use resources on your appearance is shameful for some reason.

I found a neat article written by a novelist from Nigeria that talks about this from the perspective of someone who loves fashion and grew up without seeing any stigma attached to that passion. She said, "I had learned a lesson about Western culture: Women who wanted to be taken seriously were supposed to substantiate their seriousness with a studied indifference to appearance. For serious women writers in particular, it was better to not dress well at all, and if you did, then it was best to pretend that you had not put much thought into it. If you spoke of fashion, it had to be either with apology or with the slightest of sneers. The further your choices were from the mainstream, the better. The only circumstance under which caring about clothes was acceptable was when making a statement, creating an image of some sort to be edgy, eclectic, counterculture. It could not merely be about taking pleasure in clothes."
Clothing and makeup aren't perfectly comparable since clothes of some form are (generally) mandatory and makeup is entirely optional, but the point still stands. Admitting to finding joy in makeup is opening yourself to the possibility of being mocked or seen as a ditzy valley girl whose biggest fears in life are breaking a nail (which hurts, by the way!) or messing up your hair.

The fictional characters I saw while growing up that were interested in fashion or wore noticeable makeup were often shallow, popular, pink-obsessed airheads that never did anything useful. Think Sharpay Evans from High School Musical, the Ashleys from Recess, and every stereotypical cheerleader ever. Elle Woods from Legally Blonde is one of the few instances where I saw a woman being portrayed as both stylish and ambitious. The only other example I can think of is Edna Mode from The Incredibles. I learned to associate putting effort into your appearance with a lack of effort in other areas like education or empathy. This is, of course, ridiculous and an unhealthy view to have.

If you wear "too much" (AKA noticeable) makeup, people may incorrectly assume that you aren't very smart, you obsess over how pretty you are, you're too insecure about your natural beauty to show your bare face, or that you're "trying too hard" to impress somebody. Some men will say they don't like to date women who wear "too much" makeup and then they point to a picture of a celebrity as an example of someone supposedly not wearing makeup and still looking good, despite that celebrity definitely having products on their face in the picture. (I'm fairly certain black eyeliner isn't naturally occurring in humans, but I could be wrong.) Anything more than "I woke up like this" may be looked down on because your effort is visible. Unfortunately for a lot of us, we wake up with darkness under our eyes, redness in our cheeks, and pimples in obvious places because that's just how bodies are sometimes.

"See, look how pretty Kylie Jenner is without makeup on!!" - someone who doesn't understand makeup, probably

I don't know much about anyone in this family, but I can safely assume that Kylie is wearing primer, foundation, setting powder, eyebrow product, blush, nose and cheek contour, highlighter, false lashes (or extensions), eye shadow, and lipstick. Even though it's all very flattering and done in such a way that nothing looks terribly unnatural, I'd have to be a fool to think that this picture is what she looks like without any products on her face.

Some people see makeup as a form of deception, which I find rather amusing. ("Take her swimming on the first date so you can see how her face aCtUaLlY looks!!") There's only so much you can do to really change your face's features unless you want to get into special effects makeup. Acne will still have a different texture than the rest of your skin even if the color matches, your cheekbones don't physically shift if you add some brown stuff under them, and no amount of concealer will make my deep tear troughs rise up and quit being shadowy. I suppose I can understand being a bit surprised to see that someone's minimalistic makeup isn't the way they always look; some people are really good at enhancing their face while truly making it look like they didn't do anything. I don't know what to tell you if you think that someone's lips are naturally the color of a fire truck, though. Basically, makeup can make your skin seem more even and smooth than it is, but if someone doesn't want to date you because they found out you don't have flawless skin, it's not you who has the problem.

There are a lot of reasons why people choose to do or not do various things when it comes to their appearance, so it's super dumb to instantly judge someone for wearing or not wearing makeup. I don't own any clothes with floral prints simply because I've never really cared for flowers. I don't style my hair because, quite honestly, I don't know how to do much to it and it takes me too long to make things look right when I do try. (Thank goodness my hair is low-maintenance!) I've had colorful hair in the past because I thought purple hair would be fun, which it totally was. I like to wear high heels to church even though they make me a bit wobbly because they're cute and make me taller. I let my fingernails grow long and I paint them with bright colors and/or themes because I see my nails as tiny canvases on my hands waiting for some happy little sparkles. I've never gone to a salon for a manicure because I'd rather spend that same amount of money on multiple bottles of nail polish and do it myself at home where I can be in my pajamas and not trapped in conversation with a stranger for twenty minutes. And, of course, I have a lot of fun with makeup and pretty much always have some on if I'm going to be leaving the house.
None of these things are due to vanity, insecurity, or a desire to impress people. If anything, I was more self-conscious than usual while my hair was various shades of blue and purple because it was drawing attention to me and making random people talk to me more often. Bright turquoise hair is an easy conversation starter, but it does not mean the person under the hair is good at talking to strangers.

Do I care about my appearance? Yes. I feel better about myself when I look tidy and put-together. Glitter doesn't hurt, either.
Do I spend more time on my makeup than most women I know? Probably. I can go quickly when I need to, but I like taking the time to do things like blend five different blues and purples onto my eyes in a gradient.
Am I vain or shallow for enjoying makeup? No. Thinking it's fun to decorate my face doesn't mean that I think I'm prettier than the average person. Nothing I could do would ever make me as pretty as Gal Gadot or Jennifer Aniston and I'm okay with that.

Makeup can do a lot for a person's confidence. It can help you cover flaws, correct discoloration, enhance and emphasize features you like, and generally make you feel fancier or more professional-looking than you were before you started. Nobody likes having acne and the desire to conceal it is normal. If I remember correctly, there's an episode of The Wonder Years in which the main kid covers a big pimple with a bandaid because he's so embarrassed about it. Things like concealer and lipstick can really alter how you're feeling about yourself that day.
I'm not ashamed of my bare face, per se, but I know that I tend to look sickly if I don't put concealer under my eyes and having visible acne doesn't help me seem more like a grown-up. There have been several times when I've answered the door with no makeup and had to clarify to the person that I am, in fact, an adult and that my parents do not live here. I'm more confident when I don't have a nagging feeling that people may be wondering if my eyes have been bruised. There's also the fact that acquaintances will sometimes ask if you're feeling sick or tired if they're used to seeing you with makeup and you decide to skip it one day. (Pro tip: It's not very polite to tell someone that they look tired and/or sick. It's kind of like asking a woman if she's pregnant. Even if you've guessed correctly, you're basically telling them that you think they look worse than usual.)

Along with helping boost your self-esteem, makeup gives you a really fun way to be artistic and express yourself. It's like designing your own non-permanent accessory that you can match to whatever you're wearing or feeling. Even if you mess up, it washes off!
I found a seriously impressive Korean tutorial on how to make your face look more like Scarlett Johansson's when I was planning my Black Widow costume a while ago. There are people who do things like My Little Pony-inspired looks or even put famous paintings on their lips.
Obviously, I'm not anywhere near that level of artistry, but I sometimes challenge myself to follow a theme or match my makeup to something. My color choices aren't always super flattering and that's fine with me. I do know how to play it safe and make my face look like a better version of its natural self, it's just more interesting to be experimental instead. Those "colors that flatter blue eyes" guides usually say I should use shades of taupe, chocolate, beige, rust, copper, bronze, and purple; I would be bored to death if I stuck to variations of brown with occasional pops of purple! I realize that dark lipsticks make me look somewhat vampirey and yet I enjoy those colors anyway. Wearing unusual colors on my face seems to come with a strange sense of courage, as if because I have the nerve to leave my house with hot pink eyelids, then of course I can do whatever task may be ahead of me.
It's always a bit of a risk that I'll end up looking weird when I decide to get inventive. There are definitely days when I try something new and don't love the final result. Thankfully, I think it's reached the point where the people I see on a regular basis don't even question it anymore. I could show up to mutual with green lips and nobody would bat an eye. Really, as long as I don't act like I'm self-conscious of whatever I messed up on my face, they'll probably just think that what I did was purposeful. I remind myself of that every time I end up getting little flecks of sparkle on my cheeks despite being careful with whatever sparkly shadow I was using.

Society sometimes sends out the message that it's foolish of you to bother with such a frivolous indulgence as taking the time to put makeup on. I've heard people make passive-aggressive comments about how they envy the free time someone must have if they did all that stuff to themselves in the morning. Makeup itself is a luxury and not a necessity, I know. That doesn't mean someone should be made to feel bad about taking some time for themselves in the morning! We all have different priorities and interests, and some people are okay with sacrificing an hour of sleep in order to make themselves look the way they want to before heading to wherever they're going. The process of putting makeup on your face can be a very relaxing, soothing experience (as long as you're not feeling rushed) and that's a great way to start your day in a cheerful mood!
I've seen social media posts where people hold themselves up as martyrs because they're simply too busy studying/parenting/teaching kangaroos how to mow their lawn to be "selfish" by putting some goop on their eyelashes. Being in college or having children doesn't have to mean you're no longer able to ever do anything to make yourself happy! Whether you're a law student, parent of five little kids, kangaroo trainer, or whatever else, you're still you and you're allowed to do things that help you relax and feel nice. It's not healthy to be working and/or productive at absolutely all times. Ice cream isn't a necessity, either, but you don't see self-righteous posts about how Amanda over here never eats dessert because she devotes every waking moment to her new lawn-mowing kangaroo business. Not wearing makeup doesn't mean you're a smarter, more humble, or busier human than someone else, nor does choosing to wear it make you better in any way. Your worth and positive attributes have nothing to do with whether or not you like to put things on your face.

Is it vain to choose a dress instead of pants? What about combing your hair rather than leaving it as it was when you got out of bed? Is it frivolous to wash your shoes if they get dirty? Would you look down on someone for tidying their house before visitors arrive? Makeup is just another way of improving your appearance, whether it be done for your own benefit or for someone else. Of course, there's also nothing wrong with wearing jeans, having hair that shows which side of your head was smushed into your pillow, flecks of dried mud clinging to your tennis shoes, or dishes existing in your sink. Your friends should love you either way and your awesomeness as a person isn't affected by any of that.

Wearing makeup doesn't mean you're shallow. What's shallow is judging someone by their appearance and making assumptions about their intelligence or work ethic based on how visible their eyelashes are. Not wearing makeup doesn't mean you're lazy or less pretty. It is, however, definitely lazy and ugly to form opinions about someone because of what they choose to do or not do to their face in the morning.

Something else I want to mention is that nobody "needs" makeup. I know people think they're being complimentary when they say things like, "Why do you wear so much makeup? You don't need it! You look better without all that stuff on your face!" The thing is... I wouldn't feel complimented if someone said any of that to me. If my natural face actually does look better than the result after I've corrected discoloration and done a bunch of other steps, then I'm clearly doing something wrong (or maybe it's Halloween). I happen to think I look prettier with makeup because that is the basic purpose of applying those products.
Making a big deal about someone not needing makeup is sort of like telling someone who likes to work in their yard that they shouldn't bother planting and watering any flowers because their lawn would look best if it was just plain grass. They probably tend to those flowers because it makes them happy and/or they like the way it makes their yard look. Sure, they could save some effort and still have a nice lawn of grass, but if they like having flowers and don't mind the work, why tell them that they'd be better off not adding cute pops of color to their yard? The non-essential things in life can still bring people happiness, and that means they're worth it. (Now, if someone is applying their lipstick like the Joker or filling their yard with so many flowers that there's a mini jungle overtaking their house, it may be best to politely have a chat with them about other options they could explore. Everyone needs at least one friend who will pull them aside and give them a reality check when they're getting too crazy.)
Also, most makeup wearers know how to not have a cakey face or look like they've applied an inch-thick layer of foundation; in my experience, people who refer to someone's makeup as "caked on" are usually saying that because either A) there are unnatural colors involved and therefore someone with no makeup knowledge can spot that makeup is present or B) they're talking about someone on Instagram or YouTube who legitimately does use way more foundation than they should. For option A, there's a very good chance that if the eyes, lips, and maybe contouring were made to look more natural and everything else was left the same, the critic would praise the makeup instead of remarking about how much they'd plastered on. That's not how makeup works. I use the same amount of lipstick per application whether it's magenta or a color that could theoretically be natural.

I don't do what I do to fit in or to stand out. I do it to be me. I happen to love color and sparkle and so that's what frequently finds its way onto my face. It brings me joy to plan makeup that will go with my outfit for the day or fit a theme I'm envisioning. I've never had any skill when it comes to drawing, painting, photography, or other types of art, so this is my form of artistic expression. It's a hobby that I do for fun and also to feel pretty, not because I'm self-absorbed or stuck-up.

If you like putting colored liquid, cream, and dust on your face, awesome! If you're bothered by the way it feels to have stuff on your skin or freaked out by how close a mascara wand has to get to your eyeball, that's fine, too! If you think makeup takes too much effort and you'd rather get some extra sleep and be able to rub your eyes during the day, I totally understand. We're all unique people with different preferences and interests. Your face is yours and you should do what you want with it!

Love,
Lizzie